A Word to the Wise

I was off from work today so I finished up my Christmas shopping, and since I was in the neighborhood, I stopped by Kiss and Make Up. I don’t think I’ve ever been so indulgent of myself as I have this year. My new friend Ruth who owns the shop told me that was a good thing. The man who did my hair today told me the same, and while I realize both of them have a vested interest in parting me from my money, I have to admire how good they are at doing so. While I was browsing through the naughty books, videos, toys, and sexy lingerie, many other customers came in, all male. The said they were buying those next to nothing outfits and videos for their wives, and I have no reason not to believe them. I just wonder where the hell those men were when I was looking for love in all the wrong places. A number of them were older than me and you know I just couldn’t help checking these guys out, discretely, of course. Let me just say that you can’t judge a book by its cover. I tried to be nonchalant when I asked Ruth’s helper about the warming massage oils the gentleman before me had just purchased. She told me they came in peach and vanilla, neither of which seemed very masculine to me. I asked if they had a strong smell, and she said no, very light, and besides they were edible. The next sound I heard coming from my mouth was an impious little laugh. I glanced quickly around the room and noticed the two males who heard the exchange were keeping their eyes down, but smiling. The girl handed me the bottle to try on my arm. It was nice, but of course, I just had to taste it. I was standing there licking my arm realizing that men were pretending to ignore me. I was definitely feeling the warmth, so I concluded my shopping and left with a wicked smile on my face.

My next stop was Target to spend the $100 gift card my boss gave me on Thursday. As I took my fast clip around the store throwing things in my cart, I passed by the small appliance aisle. I saw a man trying to decide which crock pot to buy, and he was not the only guy walking up and down considering gifts with a handle. Now actually, I like practical gifts more than most women, but I can’t help thinking that the men I saw in Kiss and Make Up are probably getting more than the Target set. I’m not sure if this is one of those chicken and egg questions or not, but men out there, if you haven’t decided where to do your Christmas Shopping I recommend the vanilla over the peach.