I cleaned out my pocket book today. I say that like I only have one, and you know that’s not true. I sometimes take a few items out of my favorite and tuck them into another bag for show, but when I need anything, it’s always at home in my faithful alligator embossed black leather bag. Yes, I’m vegetarian, but I don’t care to justify leather shoes and bags right now, thanks. I’m not given to carrying my whole life around on my arm as some of my female friends seem to do, but I must say the contents I dumped on the floor do have something to say about me. You can decide exactly what:

- My favorite pen, the one I can never find when I need it.

- A pack of Parliaments. Did I mention that I don’t smoke?

- The lighter I found when I was cleaning the bathroom. I know the evidence is mounting for my smoking, but honestly I quit 25 years ago. Okay, I sometimes have one socially, like at a party. The last one I had was on December 20. I swear!

- A key card from a hotel that I must have inadvertently kept. Don’t ask.

- A $40.00 gas card from Sheetz they gave me at work. I have filled up the Prius twice and forgotten that I could have used the card.

- The fob from the same Prius, on a cord that says “Tolerantes, Brandenburg”. I think that’s a German town, but I’m not sure, but I think someone gave it to me in Iowa a few years ago. Go figure.

- Lists galore, many of them on the same sheet of paper with writing ideas and lines of poetry I intend to complete at some point in time. This one says Conjugated Linoleic Acid and the “wrongness of trees”. Humm?

- A little book, decorated by my sweet daughter-in-luv for keeping new ideas in when they spring to mind in the future.

- Powder and lipstick tucked into a small bag along with safety pins, tweezers and a nail file, a complete McGuiver/Mata Hari kit.

- Tissues covered with lipstick. Why did I put those back in the bag?

- Change and a few dollars. I’m not sure how much change, cause the lining has a tiny hole somewhere and some coins have escaped from the bag into the space between the lining and the leather. They sit there snickering to each other, knowing I’ll never be able to get them.

- My new health insurance cards

- Last year’s health insurance cards

- Insurance cards from my last job, expired in 2000

- Current car insurance cards

- Last year’s insurance cards for my old car

- Keys from my last car, on a chain with my house keys, the keys from my husband’s last car, and the keys from my son’s last car. I’m sure the house key still works, although we never lock the place.

- Cell phone, complete with pictures I took and haven’t figured out how to download yet.

- Appointment cards from Nesbit salon including the first cut from September, the Clarabell visit (don’t ask), and the one for January that I intend to cancel cause I found a better and cheaper place.

- Business cards from another salon, and another from a car dealership, plus the card from my manager’s boss with her personal phone number listed. Did she really think I would call her at home if I had problems?

- An appointment card from August 25 from a counselor. It was one I skipped in favor of blogging it out. Thanks guys, you saved me some bucks.

- Stamps that I intended to use to mail cards I failed to send.

- Checkbook with driver’s license and credit card holder. Oh, there’s the blood donor card they wanted two weeks ago. I wish they hadn’t told me that a little girl in Charlottesville had already been given 300 or more units of blood, but was brain damaged and not expected to live.

- My Ipod in its spiffy green case, loaded with great stolen music. I’m in love with Leonard Cohen’s “I’m Your Man”. I know I just might be too old to have his baby, but Lord, he has a sexy voice.

- Receipts from the grocery store, Total Wine, Tan A Chinese market, Target, Barnes and Nobel, and Bed, Bath, and Beyond, but none from the one gift I need to return. Did I mention that I started this clean out to find that receipt?

Well, you’ve wasted another perfectly good few minutes reading this, and I have wasted even more writing. Time to get to work. I do have just one more thing, something to add to my New Year’s resolution list.

- Clean out pocketbook more often