Dawn comes 'round again

I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth. I am working diligently on a serious piece I want to submit for publication. Eva’s whirlwind arrivals and departures always leave me a bit pensive, but mostly I dread the upcoming holiday season. I have noticed that Christmas lights are suddenly appearing in stores and houses, while my front porch still sports pumpkins and autumn leaves. As I passed through the living room last night my husband was watching “Charlie Brown Christmas”, reminding me of the deadline I set for myself for leaving him. While I’ve been gathering my courage, I have also been trying to talk myself into staying. I asked myself, why now? Heaven knows things are no worse than they have been in the past; in fact they aren’t as bad. I know I’m the one who has changed, regained my confidence, found my pride again. He made an effort after I told him it was over, but he can’t sustain it because it didn’t come from any conviction on his part. He says I have changed him a great deal, but I’m not sure of that anymore. I made his life more comfortable. I made him look good to all our friends and family. The only time I showed my anger was when he was too drunk to remember anything. By the next morning I was calm and reasonable when I related the horrors of the night before to him. I let it slide, year after year, and tolerated his duality. I was unwilling to leave the gentle, loving father of my children, but to have that man in the daytime I had to live with the drunk at night. For these few months I thought the vampire might be able to change his nature, but we’re almost back to where we were before. I just heard him pick himself up from the living room floor and head down the hall to the bedroom. I’m not going to warn him this time.