It's going to be another one of those nobody to blame but myself days. I knew it the minute I turned on the faucet in the shower and a blast of cold water hit my naked back. I was ready to do bodily harm to the last person who had used my bathroom and failed to pull out the little lever that diverts the water from the tub to the overhead spray. As I was leaping about cursing silently, I realized that would be me, and natural consequences had taken care of the culprit. I was already groggy due to the fact that my husband had awakened me at 2:30 because, and I quote, "I'm sorry, but you turn me on so much". I thought we had taken care of our respective needs when we went to bed at 11, but the pill evidently hadn't worn off, and he is a restless sleeper. You all must be laughing at my complaints about this issue, because as you know, I have no one to blame but myself. Feast or famine, I have a long established rule never to turn down sex with my husband, so a long sleepy day now stretches before my half open eyes. He on the other hand is snoring contently away and will probably stroll into work around 11 AM, because he works for the state and he’s the boss. I of course took umpteen years off to raise babies and got on the mommy track, which I don’t regret, and once again, nobody to blame but myself.
My first phone call this morning was from a man whose body mass index was well over 55, 25 points above obesity. For reasons that are mysterious to me, he does not blame himself in the least for his health problems. It’s not like he’s the first person I’ve ever talked to that can’t seem to see the obvious, and certainly not the last. I suppose that living a life with no regrets is a blessing of sorts, but not if it blinds us to the truth that is glaring all around us. I think I’m glad that I recognize my own responsibility for the life I have created, but there are days, like this particular Wednesday, when I wish I had a scapegoat. Judith Viorst, one of my favorite funny poets, said that she got married so she would have someone to blame. Then she laughed, but I heard the little whisper she uttered under her breath. Most people who take that path end up divorced, and often remarried to another person with the same problems. All of them find it ultimately futile and unproductive. Warts and all, I accept my life, my job, my husband, and my children. They are all the things I said I wanted, and ignorant as I might have been about cold showers and sleepy mornings, I am a woman content for today. Besides, it will be Friday very soon.
My first phone call this morning was from a man whose body mass index was well over 55, 25 points above obesity. For reasons that are mysterious to me, he does not blame himself in the least for his health problems. It’s not like he’s the first person I’ve ever talked to that can’t seem to see the obvious, and certainly not the last. I suppose that living a life with no regrets is a blessing of sorts, but not if it blinds us to the truth that is glaring all around us. I think I’m glad that I recognize my own responsibility for the life I have created, but there are days, like this particular Wednesday, when I wish I had a scapegoat. Judith Viorst, one of my favorite funny poets, said that she got married so she would have someone to blame. Then she laughed, but I heard the little whisper she uttered under her breath. Most people who take that path end up divorced, and often remarried to another person with the same problems. All of them find it ultimately futile and unproductive. Warts and all, I accept my life, my job, my husband, and my children. They are all the things I said I wanted, and ignorant as I might have been about cold showers and sleepy mornings, I am a woman content for today. Besides, it will be Friday very soon.
"I have a long established rule never to turn down sex with my husband...."
ReplyDeleteI want THAT policy. Wow.
I cried in the dark for years when he wouldn't, but I have never said no to him once. That includes times when the doctor told me not to after the kids were born. This overabundance is kind of new and I like it 99% of the time, but I do need sleep and blog time, ya know.
ReplyDelete