Gulp. I do believe I made a strategic error Sunday night. After a hectic, even frantic week and weekend I finally sit down to blog around 6 PM. I had been to visit my daughter’s friend Michelle this afternoon, the one undergoing chemotherapy. She said she would send me a picture, sans hair, to post on my blog, but I became impatient and went to her my space site to see if she had one posted. Oh, says I, there’s my girl’s site. It felt like snooping in her private things somehow, but one thing led to another and I found myself mesmerized by all her friends, her life, her adventures. The more I read and looked and listened, the older and creakier I felt. I think the final straw was a video of some of her friends basediving from a cliff after a 10 mile climb. Okay, I’ve never been that young, ever, but still I had a yearning to go, even though I know I’d probably poop out before I climbed the ten miles, not to mention someone having to push me off the edge because I wouldn’t have the guts to jump unless the ridgeline was on fire.
I know I’ve said I’m as old as I feel, but sometimes that works against me too. The picture of the life she has with her friends was so concentrated, so Technicolor, so in the moment, I felt like Dorothy when she entered Oz. I had no purchase on the ground of course, instead I found myself still flying through the grey skies in the eye wall of the storm, ass over teakettle, clutching my little dog in a straw basket. Trying to talk myself down I started thinking about the fact that she lives in London where the metro area population is around 14 million, while I live in the bland suburban outskirts of a city of approximately 1 million. Let’s face it; excitement is not going to seek me out here in the hinterlands. I then remember that I leave for work at 7:30 am and don’t usually come home for the day before 6:30, often later. While I am on my job I get more accomplished than 95 % of my associates, most of whom are much younger than myself. See, I’m talking my way out of this ditch.
I was still thinking about the base diving when I got a call from my sister. I told her my dilemma and she reminded me immediately that she is my older sister. She told me that she was sure that I would have the nerve to jump, if only so I wouldn’t have to trudge back down the hill. She asks me what I’ve done this week. I start into the litany of accomplishments, and the more I talked the more I realized how much I actually do every day. In case I didn’t get the point my sister reminds me that skydiving contributes very little to the advancement of the human race. We talk about the little town I grew up in for a few minutes which is a conversation about who’s name showed up in the obituaries and the big jail escape this week. My adopted home suddenly seems more exciting, not quite London, but pretty far from where I came. We say our goodbyes and I sit for a while in front of the computer, still wondering about the tall cliffs and the bright lights. Suddenly my favorite quote from Gary Trudeau comes back to me in a flash. “The world needs grownups Zonker.” Damn, I guess that would be me.
I know I’ve said I’m as old as I feel, but sometimes that works against me too. The picture of the life she has with her friends was so concentrated, so Technicolor, so in the moment, I felt like Dorothy when she entered Oz. I had no purchase on the ground of course, instead I found myself still flying through the grey skies in the eye wall of the storm, ass over teakettle, clutching my little dog in a straw basket. Trying to talk myself down I started thinking about the fact that she lives in London where the metro area population is around 14 million, while I live in the bland suburban outskirts of a city of approximately 1 million. Let’s face it; excitement is not going to seek me out here in the hinterlands. I then remember that I leave for work at 7:30 am and don’t usually come home for the day before 6:30, often later. While I am on my job I get more accomplished than 95 % of my associates, most of whom are much younger than myself. See, I’m talking my way out of this ditch.
I was still thinking about the base diving when I got a call from my sister. I told her my dilemma and she reminded me immediately that she is my older sister. She told me that she was sure that I would have the nerve to jump, if only so I wouldn’t have to trudge back down the hill. She asks me what I’ve done this week. I start into the litany of accomplishments, and the more I talked the more I realized how much I actually do every day. In case I didn’t get the point my sister reminds me that skydiving contributes very little to the advancement of the human race. We talk about the little town I grew up in for a few minutes which is a conversation about who’s name showed up in the obituaries and the big jail escape this week. My adopted home suddenly seems more exciting, not quite London, but pretty far from where I came. We say our goodbyes and I sit for a while in front of the computer, still wondering about the tall cliffs and the bright lights. Suddenly my favorite quote from Gary Trudeau comes back to me in a flash. “The world needs grownups Zonker.” Damn, I guess that would be me.
some of us are just old souls SB...ain't nothing wrong with it, and ain't nothing wrong with yearning for the other side once in a while!
ReplyDeleteI love how people of your generation vastly overestimate their productivity at work. They do ALL of the work!
ReplyDeleteRoselle, I don't think I started this way, but I may have forgotten. Standing here in the lovely tumble of fall leaves, I can't help thinking the grass is a vibrant shade of green on the other side of the fence or mountain as the case may be.
ReplyDeleteMatt, I suspected as much. So whatcha gonna do when we retire?