The air smelled almost like spring today, global warming they all said, an unnatural January they all said. The conversation melts in the warm air…
I slid behind the wheel of my car, put the windows down, and turn the volume up. The music you gave me comes round on the player, and I conjure you beside me, doing that strong silent thing you do so well, the one where you tell me everything with your eyes. I’m not talking either, just humming along, thinking of a blanket spread out on the earth, the sky overhead, and you pulling off my clothes and tossing them through the air. They catch in the low branches of trees, and yours join them in bewildering disarray as I unbutton, unbuckle, unzip. We have all the time in the world, nowhere we have to be, and nothing to do but each other. Like a woman struck blind, I memorize you with my mouth, my hands, and you are on me like fire itself, turning me in your arms with a dancer’s grace. We step to the tempo of your music, improvising on the theme, moving our bodies to the rhythm inside your head. The very earth absorbs my gasps of pleasure as I surrender myself to your desire. If there is more delight on earth I have not found it, cannot envision it, do not need it, only your mouth, your body, your hands, and these stolen hours.
All thieves pay a price, and mine is watching you pluck your clothing from the branches, drawing them in reverse striptease onto your perfect body, and giving me one last kiss before you leave. I accept the bargain we have made, and do not ask for more. The taste of you lingers on my tongue for days.
this is a passion i can't fathom. yet.
ReplyDeleteYou are young grasshopper, but you have amazing potential.
ReplyDeletehey, it's GREAT to see that you and your husband are finally getting along so well! ;)
ReplyDeleteI was always way too faithful. When I get older, I'm sure now that I'll have some affairs and carry on a bit. My theme is "I'm No Angel" by Greg Allman.
Goodness Matt, I don't hear a trace of irony or judgment in your voice, do I? Even though I have no need to justify this, I should mention that I've been faithful to my husband for longer than you've been alive, and not because I haven't been tempted before. I'm staying with him because I know he'll drink himself to death if I leave. My husband is happy. I am happy. The third party is happy. In fact, you seem to be the only one who's not happy. WTF!
ReplyDeleteHave you thought that he'll drink both of you to death if you stay?
ReplyDeleteI absolutely am astounded by your writing. This is beautiful, and it resonates in my heart.
Thanks WG, and yes it occured to me about a year ago when my father died and I started this blog in earnest. That's why I had thought the best thing to do would be to leave, but after long soul searching I decided to make changes in myself and not ever, ever, get sucked down into that vortex again. Like I wrote on Christmas Eve, I will take those things that I need from this day on, and this sweetness is something that I need for my sanity.
ReplyDeleteIt's a beautiful thing to recognize that what you want and what you need are not mutually exclusive, nor do they have to be the same thing. You take what you need from each piece of your life, and find what you want in the pieces that are missing. In the end, you wind up getting what you deserve... and it's not a bad, selfish, or unjust thing.
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