OH, SISTER

As the weight comes off I begin to remember how I used to walk. Years ago a jealous female housemate made a catty comment to me about leading with my mons pubis when I stepped out, although I don’t recall her using those exact words. I realized she was right when she said it, because I tended to suck in my stomach, square off my shoulders, and lean back slightly, taking long confident strides. I also held my head up, noticing other people instead of where my feet were going, or worrying about what I looked like. A more supportive female coworker, and of course, one whose man wasn’t trying to hit on me, recently told me that I sure was looking sexy lately, and asked how much weight had I lost. I beamed and thanked her. In the ensuing conversation that was joined in by three other women, I shared my weight loss tips. They were disappointed that my success was based on eating practically nothing and burning that off by exercise, creating a negative calorie balance. I know they wanted magic, but still they rallied to my side hoping some of my motivation would rub off on them. They are all big beautiful black women who walk with a natural confidence regardless of their size, and I am blessed to have them around. Now I am still 50 pounds away from a place where I truly feel comfortable with that old walk, but I could feel it coming back as I stepped out into the parking lot on the way to my car. I saw a few heads turn to watch me go by, and I choose to believe they were attracted by my increasing self-assurance about my appearance. I realize I am humming my favorite song from The Near Misses, “This is Your Day”. The words ring true, “I may not be where I want to be, but I’m on my way”. I square my shoulders and lean back into the cool autumn air, smiling.