The house is fuzzy with dust bunnies from the neglect of my travels, and of course the 6 cats that eat, shit, and shed in my house. I meant to clean it from top to bottom this weekend. Really, I swear by all the gods of housework, no wait, not wanting to be sexist, but I think that would be goddesses of housework. Now what were their names? Gundreda? Hagenild? Martyreia? I’m sorry, I made that last one up but the other two could be legit. I know no goddess associated with cleaning is going to have a pretty name like Juliana or Celestria or Angelique. See how this is going? If I spend more time talking about housework I will have less time to actually do any.

Now to my credit I started laundry, scrubbed down the bathrooms, cleaned the kitchen including the microwave, which logically should never have to be cleaned. How hard is it to put a lid on your cup of tomato sauce people? Don’t you hear that pop and splatter noise when you’re heating up the greasy pizza you have left over from yesterday? Okay I’m stopping now because I am not without fault. I’m embarrassed to admit that I found two and a half pair of my socks on the floor when I cleaned the living room. I’m not sure how long they’ve been there because I moved all the furniture, exposing mounds of fluffy dust and cat hair pillows, a dozen ball point pens, three buttons that I sucked up heartlessly in the vacuum without even looking, and a lot of dried wrinkled things whose origins I have no interest in knowing. I cleaned all the furniture with that orangey polish that makes everything smell like you have worked all day, and I dusted down the walls and baseboards with a damp cloth. I walked away knowing that my husband will be watching football there all day and what I have done is mostly useless and certainly thankless. Eight more rooms still need the same treatment, but all day I kept hoping all day my daughter would come home and rescue me from this self-imposed hell. It has finally dawned on me that she has probably patched up that tiny disagreement with her young man and has no intentions of coming home tonight. I’ve decided the house is clean enough and I’m headed for the gym to run and look forward to another day, perhaps one devoted to the gods of music and lust and wine. The universe must maintain its balance after all.