SUICIDE
You haven’t gotten older
You haven’t aged a day
I see your picture clearly
You smile the same old way.
Your sister has grown up so much
She looks a lot like you
But no human is redundant
You should have been here too.
A thousand rash decisions
Ten million needless tears
The young, the bright, the hopeless
Leave pain in place of years.
I wrote this years ago in a simpler time about a beautiful young 15 year old who took her life and left a hole in the world. I am putting it here not because I think it's that great, but for my friend Roselle who is struggling with a loss. I have always thought that the pain of suicide was sort of like the conservation theory of matter; nothing is ever created or destroyed, only changed. The death of a young person is like throwing a pebble of agony into the still pond of humanity. The circles just grow bigger and bigger, spreading the ache of that person into every heart they loved, and the ripples go on forever. I watched people I loved pace the floor and blame themselves for what happened for days and months and years, until they could cry no more, then silently they sealed it away inside in that place where nightmares go to find their material.
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thank you for sharing SB. although the death of my friend's brother doesn't affect my directly, it has hit me harder than i could have anticipated. his was the second sibling death in my immediate circle of friends within the last half a year...
ReplyDeletemy immortality is a quickly fading dream.
The truth of your words hits unbelievably close to home. No theory that I've heard until now as accurately describes how people are affected by suicide - I guess you have to have been there to know.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for your loss, thank you for sharing.
Thanks to you both. I know they aren't healing words, but if anyone is ever struggling with the ultimate issue of choosing life over death, perhaps they might land here and know they are loved and will be desperately missed.
ReplyDeleteI remember talking about life with a buddy of mine, a wealthy man from India who'd casually mention a textile he owned or a political rally his father organized that drew 700,000 participants.
ReplyDeleteGrew up in a household with 20 servants.
Still, "life is miserable," he said.